What to choose?

I have been at my present job for a total of five years. In return, I received a certificate and a catalog to choose a gift of appreciation.

At first, I quickly flipped through the household items, and looked for a more personalized item.
A watch? I probably lose the watch.
A ring? Nah
I just get the bracelet, I thought.
I placed the catalog in the drawer. That was a few weeks ago.

This morning, I got a letter on the mail reminding me that I had not chosen the gift.

So I took the catalog again and flipped though it one more time.
No paintings, thank you, my sister’s mother in law, paints and she gave us some stellar art work.

Ok so I had decided to pick the bracelet, but now I was not so sure. Argh why do they give us some choices!!

I thought why don’t a get something more practical: a tent for my family to go our first camping trip, a telescope so I can spend time with the boys looking at the stars, a pair of binoculars so Dominik can look at the birds he loves to watch

Suddenly a bracelet did not make such sense, it might up end up in one of my baskets.

I had originally decided for the bracelet, to remind me of the hard work, the sacrifices that I made. My five year service has been a family affair and they deserve just as much as me. My boys have been hustled every morning, to go to daycare, endured numerous ear infections due to all the sharing of the germs from all the other kids. My husband has been supportive; at times adjusting his work schedule and take care of the boys so I can work extended work hours.

It is difficult to make this choice, it is indicative of my current stage in life. I am a mom; I want to create memories with my boys and husband. But I also want to PROTECT my individuality.


I asked myself
“How is a bracelet going to protect my identity, unless I am wonder woman?”
(which I think, I am at times, I even have a costume, but that is another story!!)

Are you my friend?

The boys and I are this sitting this morning having breakfast
Oatmeal with raisins
boiled eggs
After taking a few spoonsfuls at this oatmeal
roman takes a look a this boiled egg, then looks at Dominik's
Roman: "Dominik, do you want my egg and I have yours?"
Dominik: No!
I am looking at both eggs and they look exactly the same!
Roman tries again
Dominik: No! and he takes a bite out of it
Dominik: Mommy, this is gud!
Roman is still trying
Roman: Well, then you are not my friend!
Dominik continues eating his egg
Silence for a few minutes
Roman: Dominik, are you my friend?
Dominik: No! I am not
Roman: Dominik,,be my friend
Dominik: OK!
Dominik: Want a piece of my egg?as he broke off a piece
I loved to witness my boys's interactions!

Thoughts of a 35 year old woman

I recently celebrated my 35th birthday by going to New York City, yes the big apple, over an extended weekend. It was delicious!

I laughed (had many laughing spells on the subway).
I grasped (I'm a grasper according to Nando).
I attended celebrities' parties.
I met wonderful individuals.
I felt revived, loved and valued. I was myself. I could be silly, awkward and be in awe of the powerful and confident women I met. Mr P. a friend of Nando's created an exquisite piece of art, a sculpture especially for me. WOW, I was honored.

When I returned to Iowa, honestly I struggled. I went through a fixed array of emotions. I was confused. I felt remorse, sadness, tiredness. I love my children, my husband, but it was back to the hectic- crazy- demanding schedule. Work, housework, homework.

In NYC, I felt happy. Back in Iowa, I was not me, I was someone’s employee: a number, someone’s wife, someone’s mom, someone’s student, someone’s neighbor, someone’s daughter, and in all that, sometimes I feel lost. Like I don’t have an identity. I'm sure every Mom goes through this phase and ask themselves “Who I am?”

How do you cope with all your roles, but still maintain a sense of individuality?
Jobs can be lost, children grow up and leave you, etc…but the journey of self-discovery never ends, I never want it to end for me. I have always said that on my last breath on Earth,
I don’t want to be full of regrets,
I don’t want to think…what if…
That would be terrible.

I was impressed by Frank, persuading his fashion destiny,
Tawny, starting her own cupcakes business,
Abiola, her endless enthusiasm and energy (I have a crush on her- is that possible to have a girl-crush?)
Shoshy an empowering, confidant diva,
Shannon, four children FOUR and a successful blogger,
Kim, started her own wonderful lip- gloss company,
Su, with WINK (she was so pleasant!)
I guess, meeting all these people forced me to ask myself “what are you doing to follow your passion?” and that made me very uncomfortable, uneasy.

I was and am still scared to answer that question......