I recently celebrated my 35th birthday by going to New York City, yes the big apple, over an extended weekend. It was delicious!
I laughed (had many laughing spells on the subway).
I grasped (I'm a grasper according to Nando).
I attended celebrities' parties.
I met wonderful individuals.
I felt revived, loved and valued. I was myself. I could be silly, awkward and be in awe of the powerful and confident women I met. Mr P. a friend of Nando's created an exquisite piece of art, a sculpture especially for me. WOW, I was honored.
When I returned to Iowa, honestly I struggled. I went through a fixed array of emotions. I was confused. I felt remorse, sadness, tiredness. I love my children, my husband, but it was back to the hectic- crazy- demanding schedule. Work, housework, homework.
In NYC, I felt happy. Back in Iowa, I was not me, I was someone’s employee: a number, someone’s wife, someone’s mom, someone’s student, someone’s neighbor, someone’s daughter, and in all that, sometimes I feel lost. Like I don’t have an identity. I'm sure every Mom goes through this phase and ask themselves “Who I am?”
How do you cope with all your roles, but still maintain a sense of individuality?
Jobs can be lost, children grow up and leave you, etc…but the journey of self-discovery never ends, I never want it to end for me. I have always said that on my last breath on Earth,
I don’t want to be full of regrets,
I don’t want to think…what if…
That would be terrible.
I was impressed by Frank, persuading his fashion destiny,
Tawny, starting her own cupcakes business,
Abiola, her endless enthusiasm and energy (I have a crush on her- is that possible to have a girl-crush?)
Shoshy an empowering, confidant diva,
Shannon, four children FOUR and a successful blogger,
Kim, started her own wonderful lip- gloss company,
Su, with WINK (she was so pleasant!)
I guess, meeting all these people forced me to ask myself “what are you doing to follow your passion?” and that made me very uncomfortable, uneasy.
I was and am still scared to answer that question......